Live, Love, & Laugh: Inspired by Don Schweingruber

My daughters fill the room with laughter as one of them hangs a big rubber band from her ear. To understand why, you have to know more about their PopPop Don. One day, their PopPop told them about a time when he was Dean of Students. Don conducted a serious meeting with a student only to find out afterwards that he had a big rubber band hanging from his ear the entire time. He had been playing around with the rubber band prior to the meeting and forgot that he had looped it on his ear. When we listen to him retell the story, he laughs right along with us. When his granddaughters drape a rubber band on an ear, his eyes sparkle at their joy. It is inspiring to hear his stories and breathe in his attitude about life.

For over 20 years, I’ve watched my father-in-law, Don Schweingruber, live life to its fullest. He spent 33 years as the Dean of Students at Bluffton University. Retired now, he continues to enjoy his roles as husband, father, grandfather, brother, uncle, friend, neighbor, and sports fan.

Don is truly loved by hundreds of people. And I’m here to ask, “Why?” Now don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not saying it is hard to understand why he and my mother-in-law are both beloved, but I wanted to capture some of the reasons why. His attitude about life has inspired me and I think it can inspire you. Furthermore, the majority of the time I’ve known him, he has been making life worth living while living with cancer. That’s not easy to do.

So here is my attempt to capture the essence of Don Schweingruber.

Look for the good and be the positive.
Perhaps one of the first things you’d notice about Don is that he focuses on the good in life. Sure, there are times when he has to work at that attitude, especially when he gets discouraging news. But he does the work. He has learned how important it is to look for the good in situations and, most importantly, in each person. And more often than not, Don IS the positive in a situation. That quality attracts others because we long for joy. So if you want to love and be loved, look for the good and be the positive.

Learn from mistakes but let go of past what-ifs.
From what I see, Don spends little time ruminating about past mistakes or second-guessing decisions. He learns from mistakes and makes amends if necessary. But he also knows you have to put energy in the present rather than beating yourself up over the past. Don is able to live well without agonizing over what he “should have done,” or “could have done,” or “would have done if only.” He was letting go before that song went viral.

Laugh whenever you can, especially at yourself.
Living life to its fullest includes laughter. In order to get more laughs in a day, it helps to learn how to laugh at yourself. We give ourselves plenty of comedic material if we’d just see it that way. Don is able to poke fun at himself as you can see with the rubber band! That is also one of the reasons people love to be around him. When others see that someone is confident enough to laugh at himself, then that vulnerability opens up a chance to connect. Importantly, laughter helps us catch our breath in times of trial.

Learn to listen and listen to learn.
Don likes to laugh, but he can also be serious. He learned through his career in working with students, faculty, and staff at a University that you need to listen in order to learn what is going on and what others need. He also knows that listening can help people heal. Conflicts are resolved more effectively through listening. If you want to help others, learn to listen with compassion.

Lift up others.
In his professional and personal life, Don strives to lift up others. He enjoys seeing people grow. He has done a lot in his life to help people get started in their careers or to support individuals through difficult trials. He is there to lift up others and then is willing to step back when they start thriving. He focuses on the joy in watching others succeed. He lifts people up, which in turn lifts him.

Lead with grace.
As a leader in his work and community, Don has had to discipline students and evaluate personnel. There are times when he needs to make hard decisions. When doing so, Don does not lose sight of grace. He guides others with compassion and strives to preserve the dignity of all involved. He knows that people and relationships are important and also vulnerable, so he leads with grace.

Lose with faith.
Don is an avid sports fan, especially anything Pittsburgh. When a team that he favors loses, he has faith in looking to the next game or season. But loss is often not just a game. Some losses in life suddenly get very serious. When family and friends die, we face a loss that cannot be easily brushed aside. But, still, Don views loss in a context of faith. His faith in God helps him look to the future. Faith does not take the pain out of loss, but it provides a compass to guide us in life.

Live with hope.
Not only does Don have faith in the midst of loss, he holds on to hope in life. He has hope in his faith. He has hope in knowing that joy and love will win out over darkness. He has hope in knowing that even when life gets hard, there is joy and goodness to be found. He has hope in his assurance that God has a plan for him.

Love.
And the greatest of these is love. Love is the common thread that weaves its way through the other principles. Don loves people. He loves life. He looks around to see which neighbor or friend or stranger he can love by lending a helping hand. Because he has shown love to so many people in his life, he receives love beyond measure.

I know it may sound like I’m saying Don is near perfect. So for the record, he is not. He makes mistakes. (Perhaps I’ll work on a separate post describing some of my favorite examples of those.) I add this comment to give others encouragement that a life well lived is not the same as a life without mistakes. A life worth living is not the same as a life free of problems. We learn from our troubles and we grow when we focus on how to keep living life to its fullest even while facing trials.

If you are looking to enrich your life, follow these principles.

Look for the good and be the positive.
Learn from mistakes but let go of past what-ifs.
Laugh whenever you can, especially at yourself.
Learn to listen and listen to learn.
Lift up others.
Lead with grace.
Lose with faith.
Live with hope.
Love.

If the list looks overwhelming, choose one principle to work on first. Then try to build on it. If you get stuck, just hang a big rubber band from your ear and go from there.

Thanks, Don, for inspiring me.

Nancy Berns