Do you tell others to find closure?
Or do you think something is wrong with you because there seems to be no closure after a loss?
Stop worrying about closure. We don’t need closure to heal.
Closure continues to be a popular concept in our culture. However, it is just a word we’ve made up to talk about loss. Sadly, the illusive search for closure often does more harm than good. When people hear the word “closure,” they often hear, “You’re telling me I need to end my grieving.”
I had an opportunity to talk about these issues with Amiel Handelsman on an episode of The Amiel Show. To hear more about the problematic use of closure and alternative ways to talk about grief, listen to our talk: Episode 40: Nancy Berns On Moving Beyond Closure.
So if we stop pushing closure, how do we help? Listen. And listen more. For an enriching discussion about these issues, please join the conversation.
Here are highlights marked at particular minutes if you want to skip ahead to a specific topic.
- 13:00 Why closure became popular in the 1990s
- 16:00 Rituals help us feel part of something bigger
- 20:00 The experience of infant loss
- 25:00 Conversations Nancy had about the loss of her son, Zachariah
- 28:00 Knowing who you feel safe sharing with
- 33:00 Small acts of kindness
- 38:45 Society’s expectations of how men and women should grieve
- 43:00 Being part of someone’s death or burial
Please share with others, too, who may need some extra support in their life journey. Another resource on this topic is my TEDx talk Beyond Closure: The Space between Joy and Grief.
For another article on closure as it relates to relationships, check out Bad Breakup? How to Get Beyond Closure.
As you learn to live with loss, or comfort others, remember you are not alone.
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